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The Power of the Circle
When I first started doing HEAL work back in 1991, I had no idea what it really meant to be in ‘healthy relationship.’ How was my newfound passion for healthy relationship work supposed to look in action? What I thought I was being called to do was to identify and to write about specific information people could use to interact in more healthy ways with themselves and each other.
What I was to discover is that there are an incredible number of ways to actually create and be in healthy relationship. One of these ways is to connect with other people in a group relationship experience commonly referred to as ‘small circles.’ These simple human gatherings have been around since the creation of campfires. Here is a little of my experience with one of these life rafts of healthy relating and spiritual connection which I found right around the corner from my house. Small circles are available to all of us in some form, and all one has to do is show up.
Before getting involved in small circles, my attempts to be a loving, caring human had been characterized by many choices and behaviors that were not healthy. I knew this because my choices were not creating the relationships I desired and deserved with the people I cared the most about in my life.
One of the most important and powerful new choices I made that really began to change my life and relationships was to begin showing up and participating in small circles. These circles were gatherings of people who wanted to get to know themselves and each other more deeply. The willing showed up because we wanted to go beneath the surface and begin to see our own inner workings and to witness the workings of others. The reluctant showed up because we had to or because we had no other ideas or options on how to deal with the challenges in our lives.
At first this activity was a little scary and seemed odd and uncomfortable. The fact is I was so tired of my problems and struggles with my family and life at that time, that I had reached a point of willingness to change and be open. I sat down, stayed put and kept coming back, even when I did not think I was getting much from the experience.
Fortunately, I rarely left a circle empty handed. Little gifts continually popped up when I listened to other people’s stories. Though they were never directly designated for me, it was like these gifts were meant just for me. These little gifts led to my progress and fostered my desire to return.
Slowly but surely, I began to experience the healing power of sharing my own story and of listening to others share. I found that there is a spiritual healing energy in the sharing, especially when we honor the humanity and competency of each person in the circle without trying to heal, fix, change or convert each other. I learned that both sharing and listening increased my own healing and sense of release and in the process helped me attain more serenity in my daily life. As I grew more comfortable with being in a circle and started to trust the inherent goodness of those present, I welcomed with relief and gratitude the knowledge that never again would I have to deal with my problems and challenges alone.
Eventually, I went to many different kinds of small circles. Initially, there were 12 step meetings, then workshops, group therapy sessions, and on to men’s groups and grief circles just to name a few.
Small circles is one of the main processes that HEAL intends to encourage and support. I look forward to sharing my experiences and insights into this uniquely transforming way for us to connect and grow in healthy relationship.
Here is a wonderful reading from an Al Anon book, The Courage to Change, that really captures for me the significance and possibilities I realized when I joined the circle.
What I was to discover is that there are an incredible number of ways to actually create and be in healthy relationship. One of these ways is to connect with other people in a group relationship experience commonly referred to as ‘small circles.’ These simple human gatherings have been around since the creation of campfires. Here is a little of my experience with one of these life rafts of healthy relating and spiritual connection which I found right around the corner from my house. Small circles are available to all of us in some form, and all one has to do is show up.
Before getting involved in small circles, my attempts to be a loving, caring human had been characterized by many choices and behaviors that were not healthy. I knew this because my choices were not creating the relationships I desired and deserved with the people I cared the most about in my life.
One of the most important and powerful new choices I made that really began to change my life and relationships was to begin showing up and participating in small circles. These circles were gatherings of people who wanted to get to know themselves and each other more deeply. The willing showed up because we wanted to go beneath the surface and begin to see our own inner workings and to witness the workings of others. The reluctant showed up because we had to or because we had no other ideas or options on how to deal with the challenges in our lives.
At first this activity was a little scary and seemed odd and uncomfortable. The fact is I was so tired of my problems and struggles with my family and life at that time, that I had reached a point of willingness to change and be open. I sat down, stayed put and kept coming back, even when I did not think I was getting much from the experience.
Fortunately, I rarely left a circle empty handed. Little gifts continually popped up when I listened to other people’s stories. Though they were never directly designated for me, it was like these gifts were meant just for me. These little gifts led to my progress and fostered my desire to return.
Slowly but surely, I began to experience the healing power of sharing my own story and of listening to others share. I found that there is a spiritual healing energy in the sharing, especially when we honor the humanity and competency of each person in the circle without trying to heal, fix, change or convert each other. I learned that both sharing and listening increased my own healing and sense of release and in the process helped me attain more serenity in my daily life. As I grew more comfortable with being in a circle and started to trust the inherent goodness of those present, I welcomed with relief and gratitude the knowledge that never again would I have to deal with my problems and challenges alone.
Eventually, I went to many different kinds of small circles. Initially, there were 12 step meetings, then workshops, group therapy sessions, and on to men’s groups and grief circles just to name a few.
Small circles is one of the main processes that HEAL intends to encourage and support. I look forward to sharing my experiences and insights into this uniquely transforming way for us to connect and grow in healthy relationship.
Here is a wonderful reading from an Al Anon book, The Courage to Change, that really captures for me the significance and possibilities I realized when I joined the circle.
I used to live my life as if I were on a ladder. Everyone was either above me--to be feared and envied--or below me--to be pitied. God was way, way at the top, beyond my view. That was a hard, lonely way to live because no two people can stand comfortably on the same rung for very long.
When I came to Al-Anon, I found a lot of people who had decided to climb down their ladders into the circle of fellowship. In the circle we were all on equal terms, and God was right in the center, easily accessible. When newcomers arrived we didn't worry about rearranging everyone's position, we simply widened the circle.
Today I no longer look up to some people and down on others. I can look each person in the eye, squarely and honestly. Today, being humble means climbing down the ladder of judgment of myself and others, and taking my rightful place in a worldwide circle of love and support.
From page 33 of Courage to Change
Have a blessing filled Holiday,
Stephan
