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Seeking Reconciliation
To many people the recent incident involving the arrest of Professor Gates on the front porch of his own home by a Cambridge police officer is a blatant example of racial profiling and injustice. To others it is another example of an oversensitive, unappreciative minority reacting to a police officer trying to do his job. I do not know what happened.
What I do know is that here is another conflict and struggle that provides all of us with at least two unique opportunities. We could just take sides and seek to confirm our fears and judgments about each other. Or there is another more desirable possibility. We could choose to explore what else is happening below the surface of this incident in the hope that we might learn something we may not have known before this shared experience.
When I was growing up one of my history teachers had a little saying posted on his wall that read, “There are three sides to every story… yours, mine and the facts.” So on the news face of it, we have a battle of perspectives and opinions, and the facts will likely never be fully revealed or understood by all of us. The fight to be in the right about the facts could prove draining and counter productive as we put our energy into justifying our view and winning the debate.
A more significant fact that does not blame or shame anyone is that this incident is a learning opportunity. This was an incident that could potentially touch several ‘isms’ and even with all of its confusion and counterclaims, there is much to be learned from sharing our perspectives of what happened, and how people were impacted. Facts can be disputed and contradicted, but the deeper lessons do not call for victory but learning, healing and growth for the greater good of all. We can make progress if we are willing to sit with and process difficult and uncomfortable situations like this in non-blaming and non-shaming ways.
How could we possibly do this? By making different choices than the ones that keep us mired in separation, fear and judgment of each other. We could choose to create a safe place from which more of us could examine and discuss the intricate web of interactions that are involved here, the relationship between the Professor and the Officer, the longer term relationship between people who are not white and law enforcement, the relationship between white dominated institutions and people who are not white, and the historical relationship between blacks and whites for instance. The facts of this incident are relatively simple; it is the deeper components and impacts that are more complex.
This incident and the resulting conflict are having a real impact, which is old, painful, and frustrating for many people especially those on the hurt side of ‘isms.’ Most conflicts are due to factors that reach beyond the immediate circumstances into issues with much deeper mental, emotional and spiritual meaning and ramifications. By facing and dealing with our problems, we gain opportunities to break out of chronic, dysfunctional social patterns of behavior that continue to create the same old results.
Recently on the Charlie Rose Show, Rose discussed the Gates Incident and Race in America with Rev. Floyd Flake and two journalists, Raina Kelly and David Remnick. They talked about how President Obama is attempting to deal with the situation by calling for a discussion of this incident. He hopes to bring together all parties to talk about what really happened physically and at deeper level too.
The commentators hoped that in that process perhaps we can discover something about ourselves and each other that we would have other wise realized or that we have not yet leaned that is in every body’s best interest. Raina Kelly captured an essential aspect of race relations today with these comments on the need for seeking reconciliation:
“I think we will have to because reconciliation is not a concept we have seen a lot of, we have seen violence, we have seen heated words, rarely do we see two parties come together and say… and bend in some way shape or form. It is amazing Mr. Obama made that speech, we are so used to seeing people harden their positions over the course of a news cycle…The rhetoric gets built up and built up…and then when the American people say to themselves, please let this be over we move on to something else…
But all we really did was delay payment, delay reconciliation, we have been delaying dealing with our issues for years… for decades even, each time when there is a chance to come together, to have a discussion to learn something, it never happens.”
(Check out the discussion at charlierose.com.)
For those of us who have studied nonviolence and peacemaking this is a familiar pattern. Something happens, an incident, and instead of coming together to work it out, each side withdraws to deal with its wounds and weave a story about why they were unjustly attacked and hurt and why they are justified in retaliating. This is the pattern of a classical cycle of violence, not just physical violence but the emotional and spiritual wounding that leads up to and occurs in a situation like this. The lack of relationship and healthy connection around an incident leads to the rationalization of continued separation while laying the ground for the next incident.
The way to break out of this destructive spiral is to move toward reconciliation. If we really hope to move past race and discrimination, we could choose to come together, to find ways to say and hear these hurts and find ways to stay and bend. Healing and reconciliation can happen if we make the choices that invite these possibilities into our lives on many levels.
Gratefully Seeking Reconciliation and Harmony,
Stephan
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
July Reflections
Creating More Healthy Global Community Relationships
President Obama has recently given a series of very mindful and considerate speeches setting out a new and very different vision for relations with other countries and people.
Recently in Prague he put forth his ideas for a world free of nuclear weapons. His speech in Cairo a few weeks ago reached out not just to the leaders but to all Muslims in an attempt to establish a new intention by America to form better, stronger relationships with them and to work to address our differences and problems in constructive ways. Today, he spoke in Russia hoping to “reset” our strained relations with our longtime rival by setting aside old views and embracing new possibilities. Here is a small excerpt from that speech.
“There is the 20th Century view that the US and Russia are destined to be antagonists. And that a strong Russia or a strong America can only assert themselves in opposition to one another. And there is a 19th Century view that we are destined to vie for spheres of influence and that great powers must forge competing blocks to balance one another.
These assumptions are wrong. In 2009, a great power does not show strength by dominating or demonizing other countries.
It is difficult to forge a lasting partnership between former adversaries. It is hard to change habits that have been engrained in our governments and bureaucracies for decades. But I believe that on the fundamental issues that will shape this century, Americans and Russians share common interests that form a basis for cooperation. It is not for me to define Russia’s national interests, but I can tell you about America’s national interest, and I believe you will see that we share common ground.”
Many pundits and experts are straining to explain Obama’s words as right or wrong in terms of established foreign relations or political science knowledge. In terms of human relationship wisdom his choices appear to indicate an intentional choice on his part to transcend these older, accepted ways of relating to our “enemies” or conflict partners, thereby breaking out of chronic cycles of competition, violence or dysfunction and moving toward reconciliation and collaboration.
This approach is very different from the vengeful, aggressive, and violent response the US Administrations have pursued since 9/11. Reaching out in positive ways, establishing our intent to be friendly and constructive, pursuing mutually beneficial goals through mutually respectful and considerate processes are all actions that help promote taking that fork in the road away from fear and destruction toward hope and reconciliation and ultimately shared community.
If we are uncertain or confused by these developments, an important question to ask at this transitional moment is how well are our old methods of relating globally working? Do we have real safety, security and collaboration, and not just with our historic friends and allies but with those we fear and distrust? Can we change these old patterns? Is the cost of our current approach sustainable, especially in these challenging times? How much justice, equality, trust and friendship could we stimulate if even some of the resources we now have tied up in “necessary defensive and offensive capabilities” could be redirected to creating new allies? How much could we save if we could worry less about defending ourselves from an attack?
I do not believe President Obama is a demon or a savior; I hope and believe he is an intelligent, hardworking, practical leader with an understanding and willingness to pursue a new approach to old problems that persist despite our good intentions and best, sometimes heroic efforts.
Yes, this approach involves risk, perhaps great risk, but no greater and certain than the risk of pursuing unhealthy, codependent and dysfunctional relationships with our global neighbors and other members of the Greater Human Family.
Being open, vulnerable and willing to focus on protecting our national interests through unforced or uncoerced cooperation and collaboration even with old enemies promotes real community and fosters authentic safety in all dimensions of relationship.
Hate and Fear out.
Love and Peace in.
Gratefully Seeking Harmony,
Stephan
President Obama has recently given a series of very mindful and considerate speeches setting out a new and very different vision for relations with other countries and people.
Recently in Prague he put forth his ideas for a world free of nuclear weapons. His speech in Cairo a few weeks ago reached out not just to the leaders but to all Muslims in an attempt to establish a new intention by America to form better, stronger relationships with them and to work to address our differences and problems in constructive ways. Today, he spoke in Russia hoping to “reset” our strained relations with our longtime rival by setting aside old views and embracing new possibilities. Here is a small excerpt from that speech.
“There is the 20th Century view that the US and Russia are destined to be antagonists. And that a strong Russia or a strong America can only assert themselves in opposition to one another. And there is a 19th Century view that we are destined to vie for spheres of influence and that great powers must forge competing blocks to balance one another.
These assumptions are wrong. In 2009, a great power does not show strength by dominating or demonizing other countries.
It is difficult to forge a lasting partnership between former adversaries. It is hard to change habits that have been engrained in our governments and bureaucracies for decades. But I believe that on the fundamental issues that will shape this century, Americans and Russians share common interests that form a basis for cooperation. It is not for me to define Russia’s national interests, but I can tell you about America’s national interest, and I believe you will see that we share common ground.”
Many pundits and experts are straining to explain Obama’s words as right or wrong in terms of established foreign relations or political science knowledge. In terms of human relationship wisdom his choices appear to indicate an intentional choice on his part to transcend these older, accepted ways of relating to our “enemies” or conflict partners, thereby breaking out of chronic cycles of competition, violence or dysfunction and moving toward reconciliation and collaboration.
This approach is very different from the vengeful, aggressive, and violent response the US Administrations have pursued since 9/11. Reaching out in positive ways, establishing our intent to be friendly and constructive, pursuing mutually beneficial goals through mutually respectful and considerate processes are all actions that help promote taking that fork in the road away from fear and destruction toward hope and reconciliation and ultimately shared community.
If we are uncertain or confused by these developments, an important question to ask at this transitional moment is how well are our old methods of relating globally working? Do we have real safety, security and collaboration, and not just with our historic friends and allies but with those we fear and distrust? Can we change these old patterns? Is the cost of our current approach sustainable, especially in these challenging times? How much justice, equality, trust and friendship could we stimulate if even some of the resources we now have tied up in “necessary defensive and offensive capabilities” could be redirected to creating new allies? How much could we save if we could worry less about defending ourselves from an attack?
I do not believe President Obama is a demon or a savior; I hope and believe he is an intelligent, hardworking, practical leader with an understanding and willingness to pursue a new approach to old problems that persist despite our good intentions and best, sometimes heroic efforts.
Yes, this approach involves risk, perhaps great risk, but no greater and certain than the risk of pursuing unhealthy, codependent and dysfunctional relationships with our global neighbors and other members of the Greater Human Family.
Being open, vulnerable and willing to focus on protecting our national interests through unforced or uncoerced cooperation and collaboration even with old enemies promotes real community and fosters authentic safety in all dimensions of relationship.
Hate and Fear out.
Love and Peace in.
Gratefully Seeking Harmony,
Stephan
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