May Reflections

Being More Fully Engaged, Part 2 of 3

Click here for Part 1.

Stuff happens all the time in life. Everyday, every moment we face different situations where some action, behavior or conflict occurs in our relating to another person or the world. The ‘natural life experience’ begins at the instant we have a feeling (mad, sad, glad, afraid or ashamed). Our feelings tell us whether our needs are being met (glad) or not being met (sad, mad, afraid, or ashamed).

If we do not fully feel that feeling in the moment it arises, we may interrupt or distort the natural life experience pathway to seeing and recognizing what we need. This is also what happens when a person uses drugs or alcohol. In recovery, a term commonly used to describe this alteration of feelings is called medicating our feelings. Any thing I do to interrupt my feelings, disrupts the entire natural life experience process!

If we can agree on the importance of feelings in our natural life process, we can develop a much broader definition of addiction to include using people, places and things to change the way we feel. Let’s distinguish between the healthy experience of people, places, and things, which includes having feelings rather that using these to change feelings.

Natural life experience involves having the full spectrum of feelings around people, places and things and then, as previously mentioned, also connecting with needs and actions to take care of our selves and getting our needs met in healthy ways. Addictive changing of feelings switches off the full life experience and substitutes a shortcut to artificially induced happy or euphoric feelings. Addictive choices create simulated need satisfaction that gives the illusion that no action or choices are needed to move through an event in a constructive way.

This alternative, artificial life experience looks like encountering a life event and instead of dealing with it through the more lengthy, sometimes difficult life experience, we take a short cut to need satisfaction via using. In this scenario we do not learn, heal or grow emotionally and spiritually. This pathway then loops back on itself often establishing a repeating pattern of artificial life experience. This is a pattern typical in addiction.

An important feature that distinguishes having feelings from changing feelings is how this behavior is working in our lives. Typically changing feelings results in negative life consequences or recurring destructive patterns. Having feelings and engaging more fully in the natural life experiences of our lives helps us to grow and mature physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually all at the same time. We find ourselves enjoying the fruits of this life labor: more love, serenity, peace, contentedness, balance and wholeness.

To be continued...